"HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!"
Gosh, imagine me screaming that out! Haha. It may be a bit late to post about 'stepping into the new year' but anyway, that's it~ We're in 2008 now!! May I pause for a bit and just imagine me screaming....
"GIVE ME A FCUKING HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!!!!"
Well, ehem...that was kinda full of angst from within me. Haha. Yesh, we're now in year 2008. Gosh, it seemed like it was just yesterday that I was stepping into the year 2007, and now...2008!!!? And so, um, what is the first thing I did for new year? Aha! I am currently avoiding going online in MSN, so don't try to find me there. I am basically reachable only by text messages or phone calls. Why do such prosposterous thing?? Huhu. Just wanna see how long I can withstand not having myself online in MSN..wawawa. And yesh, I am avoiding to misscall or text messaging him too. Why oh why? Well, let's just say, I need a break and maybe, just maybe, he'll feel a loss when I'm doing this. Sometimes, it just gets tiring to pursue and act...Huhu. I am acting crazy, outta my mind...Lalalalaa~
2007..well, lots of things had happened. Lots of things that I shouldn't say here because I'm just lazy to do so. Haha. 2007 was a year of experimenting for me. Short hairs, changes in personal style, new experiences of meeting new people, hang out til early morning etc. Too much to count, too much to say. I love 2007, because I have so many memories that I really appreciate and memories that were too painful to bear. A year where I see that sometimes, people just change for the worst or the better.A year where I get to see some betrayals and the masks that people wear in front of others.. A year where I saw my colleagues, my dearest 18th intake mates having their jobs...A year where lots of internal emotional confusion happened inside me. A year where I found out that it's better to be who I really am, no matter how much it disappoints others...and a year, where I am still devoted to the one I love, no matter how cruel he treats me...
As I stepped into 2008, I began to wonder about my future. Uncertainty. That's what I'm feeling. Similar to what Daus is saying in his bloggy. Haha. Results will be out somewhere in February, hopefully. What will I do then? How well did I do? What will I have to expect? I just don't know...perhaps I will find the answers sooner or later...
I also wonder about my friendships and my relationship with him. How long can I stand here for them? How much can I sacrifice for them? Am I adequate as a friend, to help them in need and to share with them in their pain and happiness? Will there be 'us' for me and him? Questions and more questions...
At times, I feel it's better to be alone. Having not to care about the world and anyone. Being selfish in my own world. Not having to hurt or be bruised emotionally. Not having to carry responsibilities of our lives. But it's impossible. There's no way to run, no place to hide...and I shall live here, as me, accepted or unaccepted by the world revolving around me..Just like a lyric from one of my current favourite songs...
"Namun aku tetap aku, yang terbaik untuk diriku....hanya satu..."
And so, everyone...let's embrace 2008 with hope and happiness~ We are the best of our own self!! Happy New Year everyone....happy new year~ :D
With love,
Kisho [229]
"I keep reminiscing our [sweet] memories together...how I wish it can just disappear and I'll leave you with a heart of stone...but it won't happen as there's too much light of sunshine [love] from those days where there's you [and] me..."