Haha...boredom leads to this..:P

You're a Best Buddy

Need help figuring out which shoes look cuter with which outfit? You're the girl to call. Friendships are top priority in your list of things to do — you check in regularly, hang out all the time, and you probably never get tired of your closest pals. So when someone is heading to the hair salon for a big cut, you'll go and hold their hand. Heck, you'll even pitch in for the dull stuff — like scary appointments to get braces.

No matter what you and your friends are up to, you're in it for the long haul. Your specialty is putting the needs of others over your own. Best part is, your friends make sure to do the same.


What Kind of Friend Are You?

Brought to you by Tickle

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Haha. I was bored. And I was trying to seek salvation from quizzes to make me happy. Answering those online quizzes are actually pretty fun and in the past, I would spent hours and hours going online just to answer those craps, er, quizzes to waste some time. Addicted I was and it was my only source of fun before chatting. Pasal dulu urang nda banyak yang online-online ani wah...masani ganya baru canggih~ Anyway, Tickle is one place that I can find hundreds of quizzes and make fun of myself as I read the results. LOL. Siok jua vah sekali sekala jawap quizzes ani.. Kinda feel like an instant stress reliever and a great time waster. :D

I am sleepy right now. Ngantok beravis. But I am waiting for him to go online. Wawawa. Sanggup kan aku ah? Well, only for love babe~ Anyway, my feelings are going strong as ever~~ Whoo-hoo! Stand up for love and never give up!

Okayyy. I am done. Tata.

Lurve,

Kisho [229]

For him [015]..

I'm addicted to this song...macam oldies, yeah, I know but brings a lot of meanings in my life especially of me and him. I dedicate this to you [015]...wawawa, walaupun ya nda tau. :)

I'll stand by you - Girls Aloud

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now

Don’t be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
Cause I’ve seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you
You don’t know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you

So if you’re mad, get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now

Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like you

When you’re standing at the crossroads
And don’t know which path to choose
Let me come along
Cause even if you’re wrong

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you

I’ll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you

And when…
When the night falls on you baby
You’re feeling all alone
You won’t be on your own
I’ll stand by you

I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you

I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you

Hand in hand; us together...

Rajin update..hehe.

Sesaja to blog in some of my feelings right now. I'm a bit sad. A bit happy too. A bit emotional. LOL. Whatever it is, now I'm feeling really scared. Again, that fear threatened to drag myself into despair. Again, I am scared that I'll eventually lose him. That fear is real, tearing inside me..clawing deeply that I feel myself letting those tears flow once again. Huhu.Macam nya this September is my crying month. Just like last year. Esh...pitiful.:S

We had our 'curhat' on and off within last week. Mostly it was from him and I am, like always the loyal listener. Knowing that he cares for me enough, makes me love him much deeper. Knowing that he still regards me as someone special, makes me stay strong in my faith to him. Knowing that he's not so perfect at all, makes me promised him that I'll stand by his side. For him, I will. And he said, we'll go through all this; holding hands just like I said to him. I don't want to lose him...and he said I won't lose him. Can I trust such words again? I do. For love is all about trust. He said he trusts me and thus I trust him. With all my heart. But the fear still exists, as if I won't see him anymore, as if I will never live to see tomorrow again...

I want to see you...
I want to say it to you "I love you"....
And hug you as if...
Tomorrow there will be no more...

Lurve,

Kisho [229]

"Hand in hand, just like I promised to you...we'll go through those obstacles between us.."

Congratz to Chuin~ You're a wife!! :P

Aksi pasangan bahagia..aiseh~ Happy laaa~

Another happy pose...nya urang, bagai pinang di belah dua..ahakz!
Chuin & hubby but also, Chuin's brother & wifey..wawa~

Parents from both sides merestui ...hehe

Chuin's family~ :D

Gambar before akad nikah dan rasmi nya Chuin jadi wifey~ :P

Ayu kan Chuin? Hehe..kontrol tuh~
A candid pose for my 'naughty' photosnapping..

Kana touch up before akad nikah start...hehe..

Chuin masa akad nikah..wawawa...setuju ahhh, Chuin? :P

Assalamualaikum,

Congratz to Chuin is what I wanna say~ You're a wifey now! Yeahh...siuk lah tengok you happy. I am happy for you too. Huhu. Menengok Chuin kawin makes me feel old, when is it my turn? [015], kawin tani? LOL...oh well~ Above are the pictures taken when I went to Chuin's wedding. Kebetulan jua her brother kawin on the same day. Aiseh, happy lah Chuin both dapat hubby and dapat kaka ipar~ Hehe..double celebration tuh~~

Anyway, I went to Chuin's wedding with Mas, Cinta and Kubamz. Biasalah, geng-geng hostel Lambak dulu. Hahaha. Of course, using my car lah and I'm the driver terhormat. I don't mind though~ Arrived there before 4pm and have a funny event pasal cemana kan memparking kereta ku ah di sana. Haha. Kinda silly lah. Then taus we went to see Chuin. Aiseh, purple~ Haha..Lepak at her room while laughing melihat ulah Chuin yang nervous jadi pengantin and her hubby's funny ulah jua. Adakah patut he's always checking his face on the mirror, sampai da pengagun cakap "Sadang2 tah eh meliat mua atu Ranil! Karang ilang seri mua ah~Pisan anak ani banar!" and Chuin's hubby replied " Manada meliat." Kwang3x. Tapi banarnya meliat, balik-balik lagi tu sampai sangal da pengagun bercakap.

Then we took some pictures with Chuin. Macam-macam ulah sorang-sorang. I took most of the pictures without me in it. LOL. Maklum lah, nda mau glamer~ Haha. After that, majlis akad nikah came soon after where I get to see the process myself. Miatu panya. Aiseh, ehem2...setuju~ LOL. I imagined myself in Chuin's position at that moment and giggled at my silly thoughts. Next, we chatted again with Chuin and sampat lagi videocalled with Adex yang nda dapat datang to Chuin's wedding. Nanes g tu ya...adui my dear~ Nasib Chuin nda nanes jua, lau nda hancoooo makeup..hahaha. Kana warning g tu leh pengagun jangan nanes. Funny.

Then we sat, waiting for sungkai. At the same time, Kubamz was acting upset due to some reason. I was the emotional one though at her time of unhappiness. LOL. Calmly I tried to cheer her up and hopefully it worked. I think it did. Kinda. Oh whatever! Anyway, when sungkai came...I didn't eat a lot. Meliat durang makan ganya. Haha. Inside, I'm actually a bit upset too and I miss my [015]. Resulting in appetite loss. Wawawa..I should keep that up so that I can slim myself down...wawawa! :P Juz kidding...

After that, photo session!!! Apa lagi, me acting as photographer in training kununnya, captured a few shots of the happy wedded couple. Made me smile as I looked upon their happy faces. I can almost feel their happines infecting me. Aiseh. Cematu lah. But Kubamz's upset look kinda made me worried a bit there. Anyhow, it all ended well and we had to leave early because I have to send Kubamz, Mas and Cinta home before I head for home myself. Time balik, I arrived at 9pm. Wawawa...ahir jua tu udah ah. And it was raining heavily sampai I can't see well the car in front of me. Nasib my parents are not angry because I came quite late...wawawa..

Okay~ end of story~ Ahakz...I'm happy for my friends' happiness~ Now, let me guess...who's gonna marry next ah? Wawawawa..Totally not me..if awu, well, I am going to be super happy..Haha..Tapi mesti with my [015]~ :P

Lurve,

Kisho [229]

Hepi birthdayz~ yay, yay~~ :D

First and foremost,

"Happy Birthday to myself and my Babah~"

Double celebration tah ni. Like I said before, my dad and I share the same birthdate. Haha. Looking back at that fact, I was my mother's gift to my dad on that particular day; 24 years ago for his birthday. Wah~ Kinda special jua tu ah? Heheh. What's the plan for birthday? Antah. I dunno. It's usually nada papa plg, just like usual. Maybe just a birthday song for both me and my dad. LOL. Cian ah? Anyway, thanx to all that have greeted me on my birthday~ Cayang kamu semua, lots of lovesssssssss..hehe, too bad I'm not rich enough to belanja you all for a sungkai out to celebrate my birthday. Wawawa. Lau aku ani datin wah, udah tia ku lagau sungkai sama-sama di Empire kah, Rizqun kah, Capers kah, Pija Hut kah? Hahaha. Tapi I'm just an ordinary person. Hehe. Bukan rezeki kamu~ :P

What is my wish for my birthday? I have one particular wish. One wish that is not for me. Kira satu doa lah. I'm giving it to him, the one and only. Why? Shouldn't I be selfish for that one wish? No. I'd give anything for him, even my life. What is that wish, perhaps you'll ask..but it's a secret. But hopefully Allah dapat makbulkan for me and him. Because I need that doa to be makbul...Alhamdulillah if it comes true one day, I will wait for that day patiently...Now, what do I want for my birthday? Enough that you'll remember me and doakan yang baik-baik for me. Cukup tah udah tu. But, I have one thing that I want the most for my birthday...apa nah? I want to spend one day, one whole day with him together...that will be the greatest gift of all. ButI can't ask that from him, can I? Ndakan minta-minta? Haha. It's my birthday, I should be the one receiving bah~ Wawawa....

Emm...last night...I cried again when chatting with him. Huhu. Sampai bangkak jua mata ani sikit. But maybe my hormonal changes are making me emotional like this. Huhuhu. Or as usual, his words...hahaha. It hurts quite a lot but I'm dealing with it. Ya Allah, hanya pada-Mu saja aku berserah. Berikan aku kekuatan dalam mengharungi hidup ini dan berikan aku ketabahan dalam menghadapi cabaran hidup ku ini. Berikan jua ketabahan dan kekuatan itu kepada [015]. We'll get through this together dengan izin-Mu and to him, I'll be holding your hand and be the one who help and support you through all this.:)

Lurve,

Kisho [229]

Eeek? Taktau eh~

Tired. Sleepy.

These few days has been emotionally draining and physically exhausting. Thus the answer : I'm tired; quite a lot. Lack of sleep and lack of appetite. Leads to physical drain. Done my health talk then and that's finished but I have to make a report out of it. Another work. My EP has been going steadily okay but I'm still stuck in my LR. *horror*Again, work. I still have my clinical attachment for the next two weeks and have to submit a journal by then. *grumbles*Yes, work again. Exam topics will be disclose early next month. Urgh, I'm starting to feel a bit of a burn-out.Headache. Heartache. LOL. Macam-macam. Tiring year I supposed.

Haven't eaten since yesterday. My appetite is decreasing by each day. Kurus tah ku karang ni. Hahaha. Fasting lagi. My tummy pun nda brapa boroi/gendut. Hahaha. And it feels like kurang dah my double chin. Yay..suffering for beauty. LOL. Nda eh. I'm not doing this purposedly,it's just my appetite has been steadily decreasing. Perhaps due to the stress or due to my bad habit of too much thinking sampai nda ingat kan makan lagi. Mesti makan vitamin supplements tah ni. Or I'll get anorexic! Buh~

He's being sweet again. Oh God. I'm falling heads over heels for him. Over and over again. But he's always being sweet (when we're chatting with each other or when we're actually alone together). Yesterday, he called me up about something and I'm overexcited. I want to hear his voice everyday, every moment. Huhu. Last night, I've been crazily hyper that I asked him to get married with me. Selahau. Did I really mean it? I don't know but maybe yeah. Hahaha. (Of course lah...wawawa...*shyness*) I was expecting a dose of his evil sarcasm but he answered me nicely. Nasib, nasib! Hahaha. Damn. Napalah I asked that stupid question? How embarassing banar nya. Hahaa. *cover tutup mua* But then again, there's still that sorrow and confusion inside me that I keep on praying for us both, almost every night with tears in my eyes...sampai tertido ani wah! Hahaha.

Anyway, I'm tired. Sampai sini tah saja dulu eh. Hehehe.

Surviving,

Kisho[229]

"Happy advanced birthday to me and Babah..hahaha"

Path to recovery...I hope..:)

In the midst of the morning, i drove back to the hostel; only to find the gate still locked. Aimlessly, I seek a place to stop. Then I cried. Again. Letting out the tears that I held back from being seen at Potty's house. At this time, I feel so vulnerable; so different. Just letting my tears flowed freely, trying to brace myself for today; for the world to see. I can't stop praying to God inside my heart, asking Him to give me strength that I so needed badly now. I remembered his words last night and again, these tears unwarningly appear.

I touched my wet eyes, remembering about my tears last night. Under that blanket, I cried. Hidden, unwanting Potty to see me. I didn't sleep well. Perhaps I had just a few minutes' of light sleep, weeping in my sorrow and blinded by my pain. Sorry Potty...I know you wanna help me. Thanx...*hugs* but this is something between me and him...No. We didn't fight. We didn't get into our horrible times. We didn't turn our backs to each other. No. None of those. But his words. It was those words he said last night that brought these tears of mine. I am just emotionally disturbed.

I love him...those words, I wanted so badly to tell him directly. It hurts inside to hold so much love for him. How I wish...life can be easy...

Keep strong Kisho! Brace yourself! I'll be okay...I will!

And by the time I typed this paragraph, I feel much stronger. A huge bundle of suprise was waiting for me when I came to the hostel. The hostel's female cat has delivered her bundle of joy. 9 kittens!! But one kitten died because the mother was too exhausted to remove the sac covering the kitten, causing the kitten to die. I was sad but I feel stronger. Yes, stronger because of such event. I don't know how but it made me think. It made me push that dark, heavy sorrow inside me that was just suffocating me a few moments ago. God, thank you for this...I guess my prayers were answered partly. Alhamdulillah.

However, I can still feel that pain. Go, go away dearest pain. I will be strong. I am strong. And I will survive this. Haha. But I can still feel threatening tears now when I think about it over and over. Guess I need to try put it all into a halt. Look into the brighter side. And I still have my faith. I will always love him. I will always stand by his side even if he will cast me aside. I will be there for him even if the world hates him for who he is. Because I love him; no other possible cause than such pure love itself. :D

For now, worry me not. For I am going to survive this! :D

Surviving,

Kisho[229]

"I will always, always love you [015], no matter who you are.."

Cry for help...to no one~

I'm torn. I don't know what else to do.

Tonight was supposed to be cloud se7en again but...

What am I to do? How can I...? Oh God, please help me...I need your help. Never have I been so desperate for your help, dear God... There is no one that I can turn to; to speak these words caged inside me; to seek peace in wisdomful words... not even to my close friends. Only God. I need a miracle. I need magic.

I love him.Please God, give me the strength that I need. The courage in me.

I just wanna cry hard now. I wanna cry myself to sleep. I want to sleep and ease my thoughts on that facts that are haunting me right now. I'm sorry dear friends...I'm so sorry. If only things weren't complicated...If only life is just simple...Forgive me...I can't turn to you all..let this burden be mine and the pain only reaches to bleed me inside deeply..I'm sorry...I'm sorry to trouble your thoughts dear good friends...:'(

I'm sorry to my [015]...I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't good enough. I'm so sorry and it hurts so bad...God, please help me...I love him so dearly, so please don't take him away from me..I don't want him to be gone...

I cry for help and yet, no one can help me except you, Allah...

In pain,

Kisho[229]

"Let crimson tears fall on these stained cheeks...:'("

Cloud se7en..huhu~

I'm in cloud se7en~ Haha..whatever that means. LOL.

Basically I'm happy for these past few days. Heavens. I'm in what we say as 'taman bunga indah menwangi'. LOL. Things are looking much better than usual between me and him.*hears you all going "Oooooh...patutah hepi semacam ja~"* Hahaha. BUT..yes, there's a BUT~ I'm still scared. Things usually starts like these and then *poof*, we each turned our backs from each other, we fight, we get into horrible pain...Ooooh, I hate that! Well, for now, I should breathe in a relief because we're in the a-OK stage. He's being nice. He's being sweeeeet. He's being warm and heavenly. And I sux a lot with that. Total fool I am. Haha. I began to fall in love with him all over again. And again. And annoyingly, again. Oh God, slap me out of this feeling. *urgh* Bitchslap me, anyone? Please? I need a strong sense of reality before I get knocked by the dreams that I created. Haha. *sigh* I miss him. Really damn missing that guy. Can anyone tell him that? LOL..*innocent beady eyes*

Aaah..I haven't done my work yet! Superbly stupid of me~ Wawawa...guess, I'll just stop here for noW~ bUat kaja lagi ni! LOL..Tata...

1st day of Ramadhan..and another day of my craps..:P

I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared.

That's what I've been feeling since yesterday. I'm missing him too much, it scares the hell outta me. Why? I'm scared to let this feeling out. I'm scared to let him know how much I miss him. I'm scared he'll disappear and I won't hear about him anymore. I'm scared, so scared. That it feels like I'll never see tomorrow again, never to see him again. I feel I'm so short of time and I have so little chance to see him once more. This fear is clawing inside me, making me think a lot more than for my own good. Makes me see that I'm trying so hard to be perfect for him. Trying desperately to gain his attention. Trying and trying, wanting him to love me back again so much..oh God...it scares me the more. All those trying, all those efforts...will it be for naught? Will it be for nothing? Will it not even stir his heart of stone? Will it not melt that ego of his? I miss him. I really do...God, forgive me for this. I am a helpless being, a fool in love...

Anyhow, let's lift that depressing mood of mine and start talking about some other things. Went to the Gerai Ramadhan in Tutong today. As usual, same dishes of the same menu being sold there but I still can't make up my mind on what to eat for my 'sungkai'. That's always being the issue when it comes to choose what I wanna eat for 'sungkai' every year. I'm indecisive. I'm choosy. Haha. Today I wanted to have 'cendol' but, I found none that piqued my interest. Macam boring ku berabis kan gerai-gerai ani. No offense peepz. I'm just me, I get bored easily and at least, I'm not being a hypocrite. After my mom persistently asked me what I wanna buy there, I finally decided to buy 2 'cucuk' of chicken tail or what me and Potty always like to say as 'abut aal'. There goes my diet! (Pot, I know you told me not to diet tapi I just can't resist it..mau slim down a bit bah~ I need to have some skinny bone here and there..lol, unbalanced tu eh!) Haha. What was really interesting for me then was when I saw a photographer with his 'oh-la-la' DSLR camera. Canon, I think and I think I was staring at that middle-aged guy's camera with a jaw wide open, plus a drooling mouth. Haha. God forbid people from thinking of me drooling for the guy. Terima kasih saja eh, I'm just attracted to his super duper camera~ and his camera lens..oh-la-la~

Hehehe. Birthday will be next week~ Yay! Babah made a plan to 'sungkai' together on our birthdays.(My babah and me, we have the same birthdate! Ahakz! How cool is that? And how coincidentally eh?) He told us, the whole family to eat somewhere out together on the birthday. Maybe a buffet? I don't know. Hopefully it'll come true. Hehe. It'll be just as nice to spend some time eating out with the family on the birthday. Guess what I'll get for my babah? Emm..I just can't make my mind up yet.

My friend will also get married soon next week. It was quite sudden but I'm happy for her. Congratulations Chuin!! I'll pray for your happiness with the hubby-to-be. That makes me think that I'm getting too old now and I should get marry one day too..LOL. Well, I'm still waiting for the One and the One that I think is the One perhaps will open his heart for me. Pray for that day~ and of course, when that happens, dapat tah kamu tu jemputan kawin ku! LOL~

Eventful next week eh? Hehe. Oh, not to forget..I'll be having my SMARTER's attachment starting next week too. Not looking forward though. And I still need to continously work out my EP. I have no mood and it sux a lot. Oh, whatever!!! I'll spank myself up to have the mood to do my pending works.(No dirty minded eh..) LOL. Wish me luck eh? And I still need to do my health talk next week before the teacher goes away for her Master soon..Buh!! :S

All and all, Happy Fasting Everyone..this is the moment we need to take some solace within ourselves. Hoho. :D

Lurve,
Kisho [229]
"I'm scared. I'm scared of losing you forever away from my life..."

Holidays

Blogging in the holidays~

First off, welcome to the fasting month or Ramadhan!! I'm looking forward to this special occassion because it is the time where we cleanse not only our stomachs, but also a time where we also cleanse our soul. A time to chase the heavens and not the world (I'm literally translating that from Malay..LOL) Hee~ and I am also looking forward to my upcoming birthday! Yay!! How cool is that, having a birthday on such a holy month? Happy~

I'm already in my holidays, that's been said, I am feeling a bit bored staying at home. Yes, I know that I should be happy, having that chance to stay back at home and be with my family. I am happy with a hint of boredom for now. Hahaha. Malas ku wah di rumah ani, not that I take it for granted but I just sooo used to being staying at the hostel that being at home feels like, too ordinary. Antah eh. But I love being at home though, it makes me forget about the stresses at the college. Huhu. Membari aku malas pulang ni tinggal di rumah ah, nda terbuat assignments ah. Hahaha.

Anyhow, I cooked my first Black Pepper Chicken Dish!! Yezaaaa~ Oh, I am so happy that it worked well, although I found out that the dish was not as peppery spicy as I wanted. Need to improve on that. Huhu. FYI, I am not a good cook. I am a tyical modern girl who ignores the importance of knowing how to cook. But not anymore~ Life has knocked some senses into my head that I need to know how to cook and I am practising it. Slooooooooowly but surely. Last year was my first real attempt to cook chicken curry all by myself. I did it and yeah, I am happy that no one got food poisoning soon after that. Haha. I am not ashamed of saying that I've just learned to cook now. At least, now I can proudly say I can cook dishes other than boiling eggs or masak meggi~ Hehehe...My mother seems glad too, that she keeps giving me tips on how to cook several dishes. Huhuh. Pandai tah karang ni ku memasak, jadi wanita mithali tah ni. :P

Oh well, yesterday I watched a Thai romance movie called "Me...Myself". I was attracted to watch it when I saw the words on the VCD cover. (I'm such a sucker for a love's quote...lol)

"A love story that many people think is not possible"

I thought that was the normal cliche. I thought it was boring. I was thinking of "apa yang love inda impossible yang buleh jadi possible ani kan ah?" And then, I took back my words. Damn, it was a nice story. And a sad one too. Sedih pulang bagi ku sal aku ani sensitif bah urang nya, emosional nyamu~ Hahaha. Too bad that the VCD's 2nd VCD nada subs ah! Paloiiii~ Kurang feel ku meliat ceta ah~ Terpaksa ku eksen-eksen tau kunun nya apa durang cakap dalam ceta ah! Hahaha. But it was a totally nice story. It might be boring at the first place but..liat tah bah~~ *spoilers* I love that part where the guy was showering and ya pakai feminine hygiene wash of the girl to mandi..LOL..that was strange!!*spoilers* ...here's a bit synopsis of the story :

"A man was robbed while making a call in a phone booth. Staggering in the middle of a road after being beaten by the robbers, he was then struck by a car, drove by a woman named Oom. This caused the man to develop amnesia. He has no memory of his past and even his own name. Feeling sorry for him, Oom took him into her apartment and provides shelter. Oom named the man as Tan - a name based on the pendant that the man wears. Slowly they began to fall in love with each other but what of Tan's past? Will he discover who he really is? What will happen?'

And yeah, I watched "Dororo". A japanese fiction movie of a samurai era. If you know Osamu Tesuka, then you'll know that "Dororo" is one of his masterpiece.(He's the one who made "Astro Boy" and "Dr. BlackJack") I loved the story, about a guy who has his 48 body parts given to 48 demons by his father as in exchange for a victory in war but somehow, the movie doesn't quite lived up to my expectations. The hero was good looking, the heroin was cool but that wasn't enough. I totally laughed at the fighting scenes...calie berabis. They wanted to make it kinda cool but it ends up like "WTF?! Is that a fight scene???"...And the story, nda abis in the end...like he still has to fight off 24 other demons to restore himself as human. I hate that type of ending. Nda abis ah. Buring jua tu. Hahaha. Well, that's my opinion pulang~ :P And the funny part was, how can someone live without a heart before being given a heart?? Atu robot tu ehh~ hahaha..but he wasn't a robot...oh well..I just don't know~

I'm so missing him...and I'm scared now. I don't want him to disappear from my life. I want him to keep in contact with me. But somehow, it seems that life has a lot of unexpected things up to challenge my blind devotion to him. I tried hard to hide this feelings from him. Oh God..it's such a torture!! I miss him so much...that I think if he ever meets with me or vice versa, I'll hug him tight!!! Would I have the nerve to do so? Antah, perhaps...I really do miss him. Thank God too that we're back to our so-called friendship mode..I am just happy to have him chat with me..the funny thing was, I keep flirting with him discreetly..hoho. Oh GOD!! And his every words as we chatted feels like a hundred pieces of happiness~ Haha, and I GOT him to confess (or so I think) that he misses me too~

"Jangan lari ah..tunggu jap."
"Napa nda nyuruh lari ani? I thought you are busy...emm.."
"Awu, bz plg tp jgn lari ah.."
"Aha! Aku tau ni..you miss me? kan? kan? kan? pasal atu nda nyuruh aku lari..haha!"
"Aihh...obvious ka? Hehe."
"Haha. Antah eh. I'm just saying it.."

LOL..atu tah one part that I love soooo much! Kwang3x...and of course, he said to a friend of mine too that he missed me. Emm..it makes me happy inside but it makes me confused...how much truth can I place upon those words? A friend suggested to me that he's just keeping his ego and refuses to say he misses me, directly to me. Owh..*grumbles* I wish he will just say it to my face...cause I miss him a lot. Haha. One other funny thing is that a close friend of mine told me she was dreaming about him confessing he loves me in front of people. LOL. Okay~ that's a funny one. I was feeling a bit embarassed too. Wish that could be true...or so I can only just wish~ *sigh*

Okay, okay. Enough craps for now. If I keep blogging, I'll end typing more craps about him. Hahaha. I sure don't want to bore you all down with that. So I'll just leave it til here~ Lalalala...
Happy fasting peepz!! :D

Lurve,
Kisho [229]
"maafkan diriku yang tak pernah berhenti, ku kan selalu menunggu cintamu walaupun takkan jadi kenyataan...izinkan diriku tuk selalu bersamamu di mana kau berada sampai kapan pun ku kan selalu setia.."

Rajin eh..:P

Haha. Aku rajin update. *cough*

But I'm updating craps again. Antah, sesaja ku kan make some craps here. Well, it's my blog. Lau nda suka, jangan baca. Tiada paksaan yo. You are free to make your own choices. Haha.

Went out with Emma & Nurul tonight. Emma lanja makan di KFC @ the Mall. Hoho. I had fun. We were laughing out loud, sampai ada urang atu tertoleh-toleh, annoyed kali ya! Haha. Mental kali ya mendangar kami bercerita heboh-heboh satu KFC. LOL. Anyway, we had a quick trip in the Mall before deciding to go to the 'kadai komunis'. Aku mental. Nada cd yang ku mau ah. Nada cd "Coffee Prince". Lau ada cd atu, dapat jua ku text or tpun suruh urang yang janji kan membalikan atu balikan for me. Hahaha. *hugs and kisses lagi rah urang atu..cinta ku kan kau~ LOL..sounds so gay~ :P* Then when to Ayamku, bought Ayamku Goreng for Emma's sister. After that, we went to 'pasar malam' to buy some food for 'urang rumahnya' before sending Emma back to her home in Mentiri. Thanx Emma beh for the treat. Sayang sekali nda dapat beramah mesra batah-batah sal kami clinical esuk pagi. Heee~Mwahsss...*winx*

I was a bit hyper tonight too. A bit emotional. A bit stressed out. I wondered why? Ntah, nda ku tau kenapa. I don't want tonight to end so fast but it eventually ends. Made me feeling a bit fcuked up. Seriously. Malas rasanya kan clinical esuk. Oh well, that's my inner devil speaking on my behalf. Haha. Oh God, give me strength to cope with the upcoming days...I'm gradually changing into someone I'm not familiar with. That's scary, eh? Haha.

Oh well, gotta toodle~ I need to have some sleep. Feels my cough is acting up now. Pisan ni, nda nyaman tah tdo ku karang ni. Haha.

Lurve,

Kisho229

"I wish to have you in my dreams tonight, to hold you close and let you hear me whisper how much I love you for real.."

2007 wish list~ lalalala~

*cough*

Oh drat! I think I'm coming down with a cough now. I thought I was feeling well for now when I felt something stuck in my throat. Then I started to..

ehem..ehem...erk,ehem...EHEM!! *ack* *cough* EHEM, EHEM, AHEM!! #$@%&..:x *cough, cough, sputter*

Felt that soreness in my throat. Awww man...I hate this. I drank a cup of water and it eased a bit. But now..I'm starting it all over again. EHEM!!! *cough* *mumbles*

Anyway, let's forget that for awhile...Huhu. Here I am, thinking of a wishlist for myself...wawawawa...what wishlist? Don't pretend you, you foolish peepz~ Hahaha. Of course, my birthday la~ *iski-ness strikes now* Shall I start? I'll make a 'I want 10 things for my birthday" wishlist...LOL...

10) The tenth thing in my wishlist will be emm...an MP3 player. Hahaha. Always wanted one of those, like forever~~ *rolled eyes* But well, it's not really important for me right now but I wish someone can give me this as a little present? Hehehe...Will really appreciate it muchie-muchie~ Haha..I can use it to be in tune with my music therapy..hahaha~

9) What's in the 9th? A pretty hard cover journal will be interesting. I like journals~ Especially yang lawa-lawa and mahal. LOL! No lah, usually I'm interested with plain paper journal with a hard cover. Payah mencari nyanta. Even if I found it, it's not as pretty as I want it to be. Haha, demanding aku ah..

8) Something creative should be in here. What? A cute mug or a cool photo frame. I don't care as long as you're sincere. Hahaha. It will be very special if you can give something that can make me remember you all my life. Huhu..be creative~

7) A Cd filled with memories of us together. Hahaha..make a slideshow, make it special. It will totally be my favourite thing~ I wish someone can make me one..hahaha. It will be totally cool!! :D

6) Treat me to a night of fun! I need to de-stress myself at some times. So~ it would be such a great thing if I have a couple of peepz, cruising the town for 'jalan-jalan cari makan'. Hahaha. I'm a novice food lover..and also camera whoring!!! AAAAHhh..will totally love it~

5) A cool rugged bangle or wrist band. Or those stylish black bracelets. I love cool looking accessories. I love silver accessories too but sadly, I'm allergic to silver. *shrugs* How unfortunate eh? Huhu.

4) PS3!!!! Buy for me? Please? Haha. *laughs*

3) Canon EOS 400D kit set or a Nikon 40dx. Oh pleashh....mahal plg ni tapi I love it so much! Hahahaha....I won't hope you would give me this as a present though. Hehehe..nor is the PS3~

2) A birthday cake!!! Can i have one? Hahaha. Nada orang penah balikan aku a birthday cake, well except my parents ja. Huhu. Kan begambar ku sama birthday cake..LOL..It'll be great if i have a suprise birthday event!! Yay...siuk tu ah? *cian*

1) A complete set of Korean drama series in DVD titled "Coffee Prince"!!! AAAAHHH..aku mauuuu!! I wanna~ But anyway, too bad peepz. Someone already promised to buy this for me~ Hahaha. I love that person so much~~ Thanks ahh...mucha huggies~ *lots of hugs & kisses to that particular person I hate you but I love you! lol* Siok eh kan kana balikan barang ani..hahaha.

All in all, awo..my materialistic wishlist~ LOL. Cemana tah jua? I love these things. Hehehe. Bah sesiapa saja yang sudi, please grant a few of the things in my wishlist? Please? LOL...merayu jua ku tuh. Kekeke. Nada lah. I'm just putting down this list to help update my blog. LOL. Me and my sick joke. Hahaha.

But the thing I want the most is...jeng, jeng, jeng...you guess it~ Hahaha...

"I wish to have him again in my life, to be the one whom he loves, to be his everything, to be his will and reason to live. I wish to have his heart again, to adore me, to love me like he loves no other girls, to miss me when I'm gone...I wish to have his LOVE~"

Oh well...ehehe...me and my crazy wish. How I wish that will be a dream come true...I still love you, my [015]. For I still let torture upon my soul and crimson tears ran down my broken heart in missing you every seconds of my life...Huhuhu...buh, jiwang~ Hahaha...

Okay..that's all...I'm tired and I'm going somewhere tonight. Hehehe...Tata~

Lurve,

Kisho229

"meski hancurnya hatiku, meski berat nya beban hati ini namun cintaku takkan pernah usai untuk mencintai dirimu"

Aha! crap again?? o_O

Been quite a while since I blogged. I have the idea to blog but I just don't have the motivation to blog. Somehow, the words I'm trying to express in here, just got stuck in my mind. Stuck there like a wad of chewed bubblegum, difficult to remove~ Haha. Nah start tia ku merepek. Anyway, lemme just blog whatever crap I can find about my life. Hahaha.

Things are looking fine right now. *smiles* My days in A&E are numbered and somehow, I think I will miss it, although it hasn't been quite fun. Hahaha. I have fun whenever the AN juniors were around though. I 'clicked' much better with them than with the basic juniors. Ntah kenapa kah tu ah? Haha. And they were really a positive thing I look forward to whenever I was there in the A&E. Kira my motivation and strength for me to go through the entire shift. Haha. Funny how other people can have a major impact over you. *smiles again*

Anyway, I'm building my confidence to face my fears. What fears, you may ask? Haha. Adalahhhh tuuu...Hope I'm making the right choice. Making decisions are very difficult and it takes a lot of courage to make one. There is no absolute right nor wrong in making one decision. You either make a decision or not. And only hope that it's not a mistake to be regretted. Huhu.

Aaah...I want to cut my hair again. But mom won't allow me to cut to the *shortest* that I want. *shrugs* I can't go against my mom's words. Anak mithali bah. Haha. Berdosa if melawan cakap mama. She said my haircut is at its best now and must not be anywhere shorter than my current haircut. Maybe my haircut is too boyish for me and makes my mom worried that her rebellious daughter has becoming much 'boyish' for her own good. Hahaha. To top it off, my mom bought my a pair of ear studs. Black star shaped ear studs. Lawa! Kinda rugged jua usulnya~ Haha. I love my mom~ :P Bless her for her motherly love and care.

Him? What news is it of him? Haha. I gathered my courage to chat with him first. I tried to chat in a friendly way, steering clear away from mentioning about my true feelings. He replied at his warmest but sometimes, his words seems to make me pour over my heart's contents. I held back with difficulty, with pain and hope that it's worth it. But the one thing that pains me the most was when..he thought I'm already over him and that I have someone new to replace him due to the fact that I didn't SMSed or MC him like usual for a few months. That really hurts me. He doesn't know that all this time, I am waiting for him and I keep everything inside me because I thought my persistence will make him go further away. I only laughed it off at his words...*sigh* Sometimes, I just think that he...ohh, nevermind. *shrugs*

Aaaahh...I'm counting days til my birthday~~ Yay...I'll be making a wish list later for my birthday. Sesaja bah. Just as a reference for what I want in 2007. Hahaha. Of course, my birthday will be in the fasting month. Wonder what will I buy for my babah? Yatah payah ni kan mikirkan what to give to a guy. Hahaha.

Okay, leave you til here. Later lagi I update. I'm just plain blank in mind right now. :P

Lurve,

Kisho229

"so sad, so hurt that i can see only u in my life..."

Pain...

Feeling a bit..unhappy.

*glanced at the laptop screen at where my MSN pops up as i clicked on it*

He's there. Online. And yet, no words seems to be coming from his side. None from mine too. Unhappy I am. In such a painful dilemma. I wanted so much to chat with him again. To laugh at his witty remarks and frown at his sarcasm that matched my own. To say openly to him that I miss him and feel the joy as he replied in the same words. But still, no change. We are driven far apart by the thoughts that I am still loving him inside and he has still not changed his mind for another chance. He's being cold to me because he knows once we chat, we'll be talking again about us. The same topic. The same thing. The same words from my side and his.

"Get someone new"

"Move on, I am not worth your wait"

"You are too good for me, I'm almost a nobody next to you"

"Get over your feelings...you deserve someone better than I do"

Okay. His words. Always the same thing. Same painful words that just wouldn't wear my stubborness down. I get hurt but then I still stand for my love to him. None could ever make me see the way he makes me see. Foolish of me. Selfish and torturous. But all I will do, will say is...

"I love you. I miss you. Why can't you see that?"

And he'll leave. Gone. Avoiding me as if I'm diseased. *sigh*

Love is painful, but I know I can make it unpainful. However, I have no power over that feelings I have for him. If love can be controlled, then I'll be happily on my way to find someone else without any guilt.

And so..farewell for now. I just need to let out my feelings once in a while. :(

Lurve,
Kisho