Path to recovery...I hope..:)

In the midst of the morning, i drove back to the hostel; only to find the gate still locked. Aimlessly, I seek a place to stop. Then I cried. Again. Letting out the tears that I held back from being seen at Potty's house. At this time, I feel so vulnerable; so different. Just letting my tears flowed freely, trying to brace myself for today; for the world to see. I can't stop praying to God inside my heart, asking Him to give me strength that I so needed badly now. I remembered his words last night and again, these tears unwarningly appear.

I touched my wet eyes, remembering about my tears last night. Under that blanket, I cried. Hidden, unwanting Potty to see me. I didn't sleep well. Perhaps I had just a few minutes' of light sleep, weeping in my sorrow and blinded by my pain. Sorry Potty...I know you wanna help me. Thanx...*hugs* but this is something between me and him...No. We didn't fight. We didn't get into our horrible times. We didn't turn our backs to each other. No. None of those. But his words. It was those words he said last night that brought these tears of mine. I am just emotionally disturbed.

I love him...those words, I wanted so badly to tell him directly. It hurts inside to hold so much love for him. How I wish...life can be easy...

Keep strong Kisho! Brace yourself! I'll be okay...I will!

And by the time I typed this paragraph, I feel much stronger. A huge bundle of suprise was waiting for me when I came to the hostel. The hostel's female cat has delivered her bundle of joy. 9 kittens!! But one kitten died because the mother was too exhausted to remove the sac covering the kitten, causing the kitten to die. I was sad but I feel stronger. Yes, stronger because of such event. I don't know how but it made me think. It made me push that dark, heavy sorrow inside me that was just suffocating me a few moments ago. God, thank you for this...I guess my prayers were answered partly. Alhamdulillah.

However, I can still feel that pain. Go, go away dearest pain. I will be strong. I am strong. And I will survive this. Haha. But I can still feel threatening tears now when I think about it over and over. Guess I need to try put it all into a halt. Look into the brighter side. And I still have my faith. I will always love him. I will always stand by his side even if he will cast me aside. I will be there for him even if the world hates him for who he is. Because I love him; no other possible cause than such pure love itself. :D

For now, worry me not. For I am going to survive this! :D

Surviving,

Kisho[229]

"I will always, always love you [015], no matter who you are.."