That's what I've been feeling since yesterday. I'm missing him too much, it scares the hell outta me. Why? I'm scared to let this feeling out. I'm scared to let him know how much I miss him. I'm scared he'll disappear and I won't hear about him anymore. I'm scared, so scared. That it feels like I'll never see tomorrow again, never to see him again. I feel I'm so short of time and I have so little chance to see him once more. This fear is clawing inside me, making me think a lot more than for my own good. Makes me see that I'm trying so hard to be perfect for him. Trying desperately to gain his attention. Trying and trying, wanting him to love me back again so much..oh God...it scares me the more. All those trying, all those efforts...will it be for naught? Will it be for nothing? Will it not even stir his heart of stone? Will it not melt that ego of his? I miss him. I really do...God, forgive me for this. I am a helpless being, a fool in love...
Anyhow, let's lift that depressing mood of mine and start talking about some other things. Went to the Gerai Ramadhan in Tutong today. As usual, same dishes of the same menu being sold there but I still can't make up my mind on what to eat for my 'sungkai'. That's always being the issue when it comes to choose what I wanna eat for 'sungkai' every year. I'm indecisive. I'm choosy. Haha. Today I wanted to have 'cendol' but, I found none that piqued my interest. Macam boring ku berabis kan gerai-gerai ani. No offense peepz. I'm just me, I get bored easily and at least, I'm not being a hypocrite. After my mom persistently asked me what I wanna buy there, I finally decided to buy 2 'cucuk' of chicken tail or what me and Potty always like to say as 'abut aal'. There goes my diet! (Pot, I know you told me not to diet tapi I just can't resist it..mau slim down a bit bah~ I need to have some skinny bone here and there..lol, unbalanced tu eh!) Haha. What was really interesting for me then was when I saw a photographer with his 'oh-la-la' DSLR camera. Canon, I think and I think I was staring at that middle-aged guy's camera with a jaw wide open, plus a drooling mouth. Haha. God forbid people from thinking of me drooling for the guy. Terima kasih saja eh, I'm just attracted to his super duper camera~ and his camera lens..oh-la-la~
Hehehe. Birthday will be next week~ Yay! Babah made a plan to 'sungkai' together on our birthdays.(My babah and me, we have the same birthdate! Ahakz! How cool is that? And how coincidentally eh?) He told us, the whole family to eat somewhere out together on the birthday. Maybe a buffet? I don't know. Hopefully it'll come true. Hehe. It'll be just as nice to spend some time eating out with the family on the birthday. Guess what I'll get for my babah? Emm..I just can't make my mind up yet.
My friend will also get married soon next week. It was quite sudden but I'm happy for her. Congratulations Chuin!! I'll pray for your happiness with the hubby-to-be. That makes me think that I'm getting too old now and I should get marry one day too..LOL. Well, I'm still waiting for the One and the One that I think is the One perhaps will open his heart for me. Pray for that day~ and of course, when that happens, dapat tah kamu tu jemputan kawin ku! LOL~
Eventful next week eh? Hehe. Oh, not to forget..I'll be having my SMARTER's attachment starting next week too. Not looking forward though. And I still need to continously work out my EP. I have no mood and it sux a lot. Oh, whatever!!! I'll spank myself up to have the mood to do my pending works.(No dirty minded eh..) LOL. Wish me luck eh? And I still need to do my health talk next week before the teacher goes away for her Master soon..Buh!! :S
All and all, Happy Fasting Everyone..this is the moment we need to take some solace within ourselves. Hoho. :D
Lurve,
Kisho [229]
"I'm scared. I'm scared of losing you forever away from my life..."
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