In My Dreams - Natalie Brown

Elllooooooooo peepz..

I'm searching for this English mp3 and if any of you have it, please oh please give it to me..ahakz..desperado dh ni...cos my feelings are currently 'in tune' with that song..wawawa..paham2 sajalah...anyway, to satisfy my 'hunger' for the song, aku cari the lyrics and yeah, I'm gonna paste it here...heheh, just so you peepz would know my true feelings right now...*sigh*

_______________________________________________________

In My Dreams - Natalie Brown

Even though we said goodbyes
Quite some time ago
There's a strength of love in my heart
That just can't let you go
It seems like even when i go to sleep
Images of you my mind still keeps

And I still see you in my dreams
No matter how I try it seems
That a deep part of me just can't forget
That a big part of me still has regrets
And I can't seem to let
All the love I had for you go
Yes I still see you in my dreams

Sometimes I wake with your face in my mind
Somehow I thought that I left those memories behind
It seems that you have left my heart frustrated
With vivid memories your smile created

And I still see you in my dreams
No matter how I try it seems
That a deep part of me just can't forget
That a big part of me still has regrets
And I can't seem to let
All the love I had for you go
I still see you in my dreams
Yes I still see you in my dreams
_____________________________________________________

There it is~~~ one of the feelings I'm feeling currently...*sigh* Music are wonderful thing, it helps to express what or when one couldn't find the words and actions to show what they really feel..ahakz, and one of them is me...hehe...

Bah atu ja...I'm so sleepy~~~ Test lagi esukkk...oh nooo~~ *mumbles in sleep*

Lurve,
Kisho-Sama

Update tah nE~~

Elooooo~

Again, I'm here in front of my laptop..memikirkan apa yang patut ku updatekanrah bloggy ani about my current life...emm, still the busy me...Keraja pun masih lagi banyak menimbun rah bahu kami..cewahh..LOL..apakanz...anyway, today was kinda em, lazy day for me?? Adeh..ntahlah...I'm feeling lazier each day..hahaha..I need motivation to bring my lazy spirit up~

Today, in the morning...we almost nada kelas wah..ahakz, again, the teacher lah..always having things to do sampai kami anak murid nya ani yang kasihan tertunggu2...cewahh.. But well, managed jua lah buat presentation and yeah, nda jadi wah my LifeScience test ah..ahakz..hepi udah tapi masalahnya, tomorrow will be the day for that damn test!!! Arghhh..malas ku study..I'm sooooo lazy..kepisan eyh~~ CVS and Skeletal system g tuh!!! Wahhh...so malas nyeee....

Then we had our electrolyte imbalance session pasal hypokalemia and hyperkalemia..hehe..ada paham itumedical terms?? Lau nda paham, tanya ja rah aku..kekekeke..bisa ku jawap tuh. Not a really interesting session lah...I got bored halfway during the teacher explained about hypokalemia..huhuh...ntahlah. I just don't dig on electrolytes..kwang3x...nda minat behhh~~ But it ended pretty smooth rather than the topics sal hyponatremia and hypernatremia..hehehe..at least, I'm getting a hang on the topics being taught.Nasib lah..:P

In the afternoon, kami ada MIB session again..nasib lah sekajap ja da lecture and yeah, I felt so damn lazy kan mendengar the session...buring bahhh...I know it's important tapi it's like, there's that devil in you that persuade you not to listen because it's common knowledge..kwang3x...What we learned today was on 'CIRI-CIRI KEPERIBADIAN JURURAWAT DALAM MELAYAN PESAKIT" in MIB context...kekekeke...buring ku eyh topic ani... Macam, the cigu bagitau that we have to treat our patients with courtesy, mesti selalu senyum and pemaaf. Oh damn...macamnya can do it if the patient sendiri kurang ajar?? Nah, cemana tuh?Ndakan pemaaf? Nursing ani macam business jua, ''The client is always right"..Banar kan tu?? Ah, ah, ah...no, no, no..Depending on situations lahh~~ huhuhh...

Lapas kelas, I went back to my hostel and relaxed sikit2...kekeke..before hunger struck me and before i know it, aku and Nurul went to eat arah AYAMKU rah Batu Satu. Hahaha..abis wah duit ku tarus!!! Damn eyh..I overspent it yesterday banarnya tym kami makan di Mall..hehe..lapas makan di Batu Satu, we went to Q-lap cia lagi..aga rah Mum's Bakery cos Nurul tais liur kan makan ruti nya sana...wawawa...Damn again, I was drooling tym meliat those birthday cakes on display....hahahaha..tais liur ku eyh...tapi batah lagi my birthday ani..esh~~ I wanna have a birthday suprise from my friends...hehe *hint2* And yeah, I feel a bit nostalgic lah meliat cakes on display atu jua..hahaha, why? Biarlah rahsia...:X

So abis semua atu..muleh hostel and here I am, daily routinely sitting in front of my laptop and memalui...kekeke..that's what I call a waste of my time...sesaja...hahahaha...

And oh yeah, got this one guy, my chatter lah...batah plg kenal tapi I'm not that close to him..yatahkan ya tadi, he confessed his feelings for me...adui makkk~ Sorry to say, I'm not interested in relationships right now and lagi satuuuuu, he's not what I have in mind...not the kind of guy I would even give a chance to be in my heart..sal apa nah?? Too much reasons...wawawa, bukannya aku pemilih banar (well, aku pemilih tapi i have solid rationales for it bah..) and my rational mind analysed udah, concluding that he's NOT for me..wawawa...I rejected him in the end...I'm just so sorry...Perhaps he would find another maiden to be in love with...mine is not for 'sale' right now..heheheh!! :P

That's all...aku malas menaip..waawawawawa....so tired..*sigh*

Lurve,
Kisho-Sama

=Heavens!!! I'm having relapse of HIM in my mind...arghhh! Constantly poking into my self consciousness...and I'm freaking out!! UWAAAA...how can I ever erase these feelings for HIM when each time I hear his name, each time I look at HIM...I went berserk and fell in love over and over again...*sigh* Mysteries of LOVE~*

MoRe StreSS CominG My Way~~

Assalamualaikum peepz..

Ahakz..rajin ku memblog ni tym my laptop in a good shape and me in a 'rajin' mood. Today was kinda smooth going day..nada problema yang berlaku. Semuanya lancar...well, except that..bertambah tia kaja yang kami kana suruh buat!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Damn f**king groupworks!!! So much til they hurt my head...kekekeke...bertambah nyamu kaja ku today. What kaja?? Groupworks bah...esh...ntah kenapa we have to do so much presentations and groupworks...berganti-ganti lagi tuh datangnya, bak aing ujan yang menyimbah bumi...cewahh..apakanz!!

1st of all, kami nada kelas in the morning..cos well, as usual, the teacher kata ada urgent meeting in that morning...so kami dengan 'hepi' nya thought, 'YAY! another free period to waste!!'...Ganya, emm, soon after the teacher bagitau kami yang ya suruh kami buat groupwork on 'How to prepare elective and emergency admission in paediatric context?'...Atu yaaaa, kami semua mental taus cos fikir relax sikit tah ni sebab banyak udah groupworks we need to do for the upcoming weeks...arghhh, tau2 nya...bertambah lagi..aduii..pusing kepala gue~ So kami pun menuju ke library and do our groupworks...well, kinda...ahakz, nda jua buat banar lah..cos malas kami surang2..hahaha..so lazyyyyyy~~~

After that, we had our class with another teacher..emm, ok lah..sadang jua da topic...not my favourite topic plg sal fluid and electrolytes imbalance in children..aduii...nda dapat stick ni da topic in my head cos i'm not that interested...tapi terpaksa jua bah cos it's important~~~ huhuh...and yeah, we had discussion sal distilled water and mineral water, mana yang lebih bagus?? to our conclusion, nda kami tau which one is good for us tapi if people with high BP, should be advisable NOT to drink mineral water...ahakz..better drink distilled water lah..sebab ada sodium content in mineral water bah..sodium can lead to increase of BP in the body..hehe..cematulah...

Then, petang nya we had MIB lessons...well..not a lesson but a short session with the teacher...kepisan lagi lah kami cos kami kana bagi one group MIB assignment(due date on 29 March) and one group MIB presentation to be done within next month!!! Arghhhhhhhh!! on the 15th March, which is kinda freaking stressful for me and my paed mates sebab~~~~ on that 15th March, we also have our Research Presentation and plus our Pharmacology Presentation on drug effects in neuromuscular system...kwang3x....headache~ Kepisan eyhhh..wawawawa....tambah lagi ni MIB presentation..ohhh myyyy godddddddddd!!! :S

And so...masing2 pun mental..hahaha..including me..mental eyh...hehehe...layanz..

That's all..naleh ku eyh...I got a life science test tomorrow on CVS and Skeletal system...hauhauhauha...lum g ku terbaca ani waaaahh..kepisan eyhhh...oh life....

Lurve,
Kisho-Sama

=I wuv my short hair..I wuv it shooo much...I wuv my chubby self..LOL..apakanz...graduation is on its wayyyy..yeahhhhhh!!! Graduationnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!=

Hellowwwwwww~ update is here~~ wif pix~~

TOdaY - 5/3/07

PipoT = After Da HairCut...wawawawa...bulat mua U!!

In ProCeSS oF HaIrCuT~~ pOtTy Wif Her TonGUe SticKing OuT

I gOT BoReD..naH, gaMbaR WiTh My 'UNdesiRAbLe' HaiRcUt

On ThuRsDaY - 1/3/07

pIpOT tRYinG tO gEt ShoRt HaiRcUt..huHUh..:x

Me, Nuwul & Emma at Emma's houz having BBQ...wawawawa.

Birthday caKe BaBaH eMmA...nYamAn...KeK coKlaT aisKriM~

Assalamualaikum peepz..hehe..

Here I am..duduk di dapan laptop ku yang setia, wawawa...datang untuk mempersembahkan beberapa warkah yang ditulis oleh gue sendiri..kekeke..apakanz..bah to start off lah, today was tiring...naleh wahhh~ why??

Early in the morning, I returned to my hostel from my home in Tutong with my rasa 'penat tak sudah-sudah' and almost beamed with happiness tym kana bagitau nada kelas. But well, that's not the end of my 'happy no fuss' day...cos me and my paed mates have to go to Tutong to visit our teacher, who just lost her daughter yesterday. Takziah to my teacher Mardiah for her daughter's passing...So we went there and have a bit of tahlil...sedih lah menengok da teacher nangis in front of us..it must sure be a lot of sadness in her heart...Ku pun kan menangis jua meliat teacher..ahakz, because one of my weakness would be kan nangis if i see people nangis...especially if that someone nangis to da max in front of me, abis lah aku...I would cry with them rather than comforting them...huhuh...tapi only if that someone is orang yang aku biasa banar or know well.. adui, this is life...death is common and it will eventually reaches to my turn jua nanti..so buat peepz yang di sayangi, if i die...em, i just wanna say minta maaf banyak2...i know i'm not good...not perfect jua and mulut pun kadang2 laser nda pandai jaga hati..but well, that's me lah..wawawa....so sowieeeee to my peepz...ampun maaf saja dapat ku pinta...:(

Anyway, lapas ke Tutong..we don't have our class lagi..so i switched on my laptop and found Potty udah bangun..so asked her to go with me to usai my plat lesen yang pacah atu...kekekek..Thanx Pot..i owe u lots udah..wawawawa...yang murah lah i bought, yang $10..wawawa..asal ada plat lesen wahhh...krg f nada, kana saman ku $200...kepisan kali..hahahah! And lapas atu, Potty drove us to Serusop to gunting her rambut..kekeke...at last, sampai jua hajat c Potty toh mengunting da rambut nya menjadi pendek sehingga nampak bulat mua nya dan terkeluar lah ayat yang sepatutnya menjadi pantang iaitu "Pot, kiut sul mu with dat haircut"...wawawaw!! Nyasal ku eyh muji..kambang cia c Potty ni!! :P But nice haircut lah Pot~ I like it~~kekekeke...apakanz... After gunting da rambut, so we went to have lunch rah Faize sana...we ordered mee mamak which were, emm..a bit sweet and spicy for my liking...wawawawa...tapi abis jua because lapar to da max bah...kekeke..and yeah, we sakai makan da kerupuk yang kana bagi with the mee mamak...:P

Then, antar Potty muleh ke rumah nya and meanwhile, I made my way ke RIPAS...where traffic jam melanda eyh....I got stuck round2 cari parking for almost 45 minutes...damn!! Payah hantapz mencari parking ah...sampai mental ku banar2, sakit kepala nyamo..Wawawa...teruk jua udah tuh..heheh..and at last, terpaksa parking rah Sports Complex nya yang jauhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hantapz...exercise jua ku uleh nya...berpaluh2 kali ah...kepisan...and what's worst, aku tah orang yang paling ahir sekali sampai ke Burn Unit to have our tour di sana...chitz...I felt so teruk lahhh...

Anyway, di Burn Unit...aku sakai lah...first time menengok da unit itself...emm, nampak clean, nampak sunyi, nampak cerah...emmm..and also, first time ku meliat a patient with healing burns rah tangan nya...tapi nampak toh masih da 'merah2' of the isi from fingers to his elbow...feel macam kan pigang dat guy punya tangan..wawawaw...bukan kan menggatal eyh, just wanna touch and liat apa reaksinya...but well, da guy is still young...nda bleh...kekekek! :P And yeah, first time ku meliat hydrotherapy tub...kecik but emm...useful untuk burn patients...hehe...

Fuh, after that baru tah ku muleh di hostel and guess what...damn tiring day...kucing yang di hostel ahhhhh..bulehhhhhhhhhhhhh~~ ya bekamih rah my katil!!! and my cadar!!!!! arghhhhhhhh!!! damn cat!!! geram ati ku...now tonight, nada tia ku ada cadar ni tido..fuh, nasib jua kucing atu nda kamihi my favourite pillows...if nda, ku sula that cat...:S wawawawa...emusi..:P

That's all...ehhee..naleh ku eyhhh...

Lurve,
Kisho-Sama

=Pot~ Don't forget buat jersey sama2 nanti...wawawa...ku mau buat 'KISHO 23' or 'KISHO 22' or even 'KISHO 15'...wawawaw..apakanz~~ mcm banyak duit..:P=

Quick update!!

I'll make this very very quick..hahaha..

Assalamualaikum peepz..

Hehehe..ku dah gunting my hair pendek with regards of Pipot latenkz..ahakz,I owe u ahh da money Pot, tunggu my money menimbun dlm bank (meaning, tunggu ku ada elaun,LOL!) Not really a perfect haircut tapi well, ok lah..it's short and layered..kwang3x..

Unlucky thing happened yesterday, kereta ku punya plat lesen ahh...tanggal menanggal wah!! Chitz for those irresponsible people yang membiarkan one big kotak rah tangah jalan ah...i didn't see it because aku drive close to this one car and then, that car langgar da kotak which made the kotak to hit my car...WHAM!!! and tanggal tia my plat lesen...damn it..tpaksa kurik usin ni..:S Ohh fuck eyh...sakit hati i~~ Heheh..Pot, u have to go with me mengusai that plat lesen tomorrow..kwang3x...ooh my poor car~~

On last Thursday, went to Emma's house..tdo sana..because on last Friday, her dad ada birthday makan2 lah..so stayed sana overnight and have my fun sana lah..sadang jua.,.first time i BBQ with drg emma, nurul and kubamz..ahakz..sampai merah2 mata ani wah..menangis air mata jantan taus ani...cian..tapi it was fun bah~ sampai jua baju ani berbau ayam salai..heheh...

And oh..my new laptop alum g datang ah..Fuck eyh...buhsan I wait2 bah...btw my current laptop ani pun pandai berangin..kajap mau, kajap nda mau..and what i hated the most, tym urg beguna, rusak cia..chitzz...and also, last week the wireless rah hostel rusak ah...damn jua tu..buhsan kali ah dalam bilik bertapa!!! Had to sacrifice my 3G credit semata2 kan online..wawawawa..sanggup jua ku tu beh~~Ado2 gala...

Ok, that's all for now..banarnya banyak g ku kan taip tapi masa nda mengizinkan..ahakz..chow..

Lurve,
Kishosama

A bit of short update on my love life...*sigh*

Here I am again...

Updating my blog with some crapness...Last nite was the day when I finally gave up on chasing HIM...I'm tired of playing this game of chasing HIM when it was obvious HIS heart is never going to be mine...And so, with HIS txt msg last nite at 1 am...I woke up with a relieved heart that he replied my txt msg...and after reading HIS txt msg, I found myself breathing in a sigh of relief...no pain in my heart, no tears to drop...I just looked at HIS txt msg and reflected back on US...I am a bit confused at how I feel...I'm actually sad for those words HE sent to me...I'm actually heart broken and struck down with grief...But, all that I did was finding myself replying to HIS txt msg and said,

"I'll end this chase because I've made a big decision for myself before you gave me your answer...I'll let you go..Thank you for those wonderful dreams that you've made for me..."

And with those magic words...a sense of freedom swept me...I feel again, relieved...I feel I'm changed to someone who wanted LOVE all this time into someone who find LOVE is not worth it yet now for me...I love HIM, yes I do...but if HIS heart is not for me, then who am I to change that? I can only change my heart...not HIS...I want HIM to be happy so letting HIM go is a way to make HIM so...besides, I hurt HIM and myself by still hanging on to our memories together...

I do still cling to the past...but not so much. I'm not seeking for LOVE right now and probably never will. My heart is sealed from LOVE...my coping mechanism protects me by letting me focus on my studies rather than finding another guy to replace that vacancy that HE left empty... I don't want to be in LOVE again...not yet. Please God...I'm not denying the fact that someone is meant for me in this life...but I am not able to accept another LOVE into my life yet...This heart will be kept locked...until the right key is put into place...But until that day comes, I am not going to fall in LOVE...

In the end...I finished my first love story with a sad ending...I do it in front of HIM with a smile but a mask of lies and tears is hidden underneath that smile...I feel free but my heart still bleeds deeply..a painful stab straight to its core, until this heart cannot feel LOVE anymore...cannot feel the wonders of LOVE again...I don't care what people perceives me to be...I am my own being.I am my own MASTER...

Lurve,
Kisho-Sama

=I would sacrifice anything in my power to get HIS love but...if HIS heart is still unchanged even if i do so..it would probably be best that I let go of that 'old blanket'=