Stubborn bitch :x

Hey..

Sorry for lacking in updating my blog entries...I lack the motivation and inspiration to pour out my thought's contents and transform it into a blog entry...Minta maaf yaa deh~ Sometimes, I find myself unable to put things happening about me in this blog...tapi, i'm being disloyal to my dear readers...:P

Anyway, I am not in a great feeling right now...Last week had been HELL..totally~ I am stressed to the point that I would eventually go crazy if there hasn't been any friends to support you in your time of despair...Thanx to friends that 'layan' me in confiding my 'stressful' events...thanx a lot....:)

Firstly, I am in a FAMILY problem..a BIG one. I'm not going to go home routinely every week again..I'm sick and tired of home...Don't ask me what's the problem, cos you will totally not like it even when I tell you..it's very BIG and I feel sinful, really in a mess...I am guilty but I am not totally feeling guilt because I have reasons to be in this BIG mess...Whatever!! I don't care anymore...because of it, I'm starting to hate myself too...Me, always the rebel of the family...*sigh* My stubborness is making me feel stupid and is hurting people around me...

Secondly, I am having a problem with HIM...it may not be a BIG problem but it got me into thinking and reflecting upon myself...Yes, I am guilty of still pursuing HIM for all those months ever since we broke up..Yes, I am stubborn to even obediently listen to my peeps' advices on moving on with my life...Yes, I am totally stupid in which I cannot deny my attitude is driving people crazy and disappointed...But who would ever know the feeling of really loving someone so much in your life? Loving in a way my own life has no value and can be sacrifice anytime he wants me to? Loving in a way I am breathing this very air and without it I cannot survive?... I can't move on, yes I tried but maybe not hard enough and I can't turn back now..I just don't care anymore...I hurt a lot inside but I tried to show I'm happy to people, I tried to show I am strong in facing the world...but in fact, it is the opposite...I can't stop thinking of US..I can't stop thinking what I should be doing...I just love HIM too much that I just can't express it into words...

There you go...a brief summary of my current life..I'm tired...I just wish I could sleep eternally and never to wake up again..I wish that without my existence, people would be happy and will never have to be hurt by me...I am sorry for those whom I hurt...I am sorry for being stubborn, selfish and full of anger...I'm sorry...

Lurve,

Kisho-Sama