KisHo's ZesTy WuRLd

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Early morning...I miss, miss who?

I somehow miss him as early as I woke up today...

His face...
His smile...
His laughter...
His gaze...
His hands...
His warmth...

I ached to see him again. But like I said, I've let him go and should refrain such longings...such magnetic attraction he has for me, no matter how much I try to go away...as if there's a silver thread that binds us.

Oh well...I'm thinking of him too much. I'll let it rest then now.

Pondering,
Kisho [229]

Out wif him..erm?

Back from an outing with him~

Feeling rather happy. He was being nice and funny as usual. I was being different a bit, trying to act casually enough so that I don't show him what it is inside me. But then, well...things got weird. I found myself sitting next to him, rather than oppositely facing him. We got crowded inthe same seat, with our laptops up and running in front of us. He took my laptop because he asked me to install a programme inside his laptop. And he was being naughty, chatting away with my chatters and friends using my MSN account. Strangely, some people doesn't even suspected that it was not me who was chatting with them. Hahaha. And some people just, well, blurted some things that erm, embarassed me to him. LOL. Pisan! Nasib jua nada something yang secret tym kana bawa chat ah. :P So in return, I used his MSN to chat wif some of our friends. Wawawa. We made people confused. And some people even thought it was something of a great progress between me and him..duh~ so NOT it~ :P

And oh, I realized...I stole some intimate moments with him.LOL. Casually putting my head on his shoulder, stole a touch or two or hundreds, cucuk his tummy and leaning my body near his. LOL. Gatal eh. Well, mana jua ulah.He was using my laptop and I have to check on the chatters who were chatting with me! *alasan!* And we watched a Korean movie together too, with him laughing at some humor from it. I am happy though to see him like that. I wish I can always see him being happy that way...

We spent for about four hours in WYWY. Hohoho. Mana jua ulah. We were downloading some songs and movie clips to watch together. He was busy at certain times, messaging people on his handphones. I felt a slight annoyance but well, that's him. I am not going to ruin that moment by being moody and following my sheer annoyance. I just smiled and listened like usual. Laughing at some moments as he spoke of his cousins. He showed me his nephew and nieces' pictures, describing each cute children happily. Oh well, he's a kid lover, much more than I do. But I was really 'grigitan' when seeing his nephew and nieces..Cute vah~ Hehe.

After two rounds of drinks and a basket of fries, we decided to leave and off we went to Amal's house. To get my registration form that I sooooo needed to fill in. *sigh* Spent about 30 mins there, laughing ourselves at our silly conversations. Mengumpat jua. LOL..Humans~ Anyway, off we went back to the hostel after that and he dropped me off at the hostel. I was, doubtingly wanting to spend more time with him..but then, my other self refrained such thoughts. I should just appreciate what I had than what I won't have. Hehe.

And so..here I am. In my hostel's room. Alone. Looking at the time. Still early. Haha. And I smiled with the thoughts of him...Rindu sudah terubat. LOL. And yes, I am cheating myself in not loving him anymore. Haha. Sedih? Not really..maybe it's better this way...

Lau ada jodoh, we will be together one day..as a friend told me that if we believe we will be with that one person, insya-allah, it will happens. One day..someday. :D Do I believe in me and him? Well, only God knows..:)

Savouring moments,

Kisho229

"Everything that happened...I will always try to believe in myself.."

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Denial, denial, denial...such a sin~

SLepT LatE LaSt NiTe~

Can't get rid of me thinking too much and so, I distracted myself to my late entertainment hours~ Browsing through the Internet for the long awaited Korean drama series that I'm just DYING to see "The 1st shop of Coffee Prince"...and voila! Huhu..got the online english subbed clips!! *Too bad I'm not good in torrent-ing clips, lau nda banyak ni ulih ku..wawawa.* Yezaaa...Happily watching it and laughing manically to myself inside my room, kinda stopped me from thinking whatever I was thinking.Haha.I just watched til episode 2 and well, because the connection weren't that good, I decided to get my shut eyes...wawawa. Ooooh, I am soooooo reallyyyyyy can't wait to get the DVDs so I can watch this romantic comedy~ Weeee....Gong Yoo~ Eun Hye!! Lurbeee it~ :D *smiling, smiling, smiling*

Ah...I am in confused and denial mode. Huhu. Today, I'll be going out with him. Yesh. Him. Us. *horrified* And I am having mixed feelings. Okay~ I know I said I let him go...okay, I don't love him anymore.*denial mode* But...must there always be a but??? Anyhow, I am feeling rather drawn to him again. Eeeek!!! And I found myself saying "Let's go lepak and ceta-ceta" to him...Okay, I am unconciously doing that and when I found myself doing THAT, I was slapping my face several times in horror. Pure horror at such stupidity. But well, he started it first~ He was asking me when will we meet up for a chat and to get those songs he requested for me to download for him. And zapppp...........! My fingers were typing those words of "let's go out, minum-minum and lepak!" AAAAAAAHHHH... and it gets worse when he said, "Oh sure, I have my day off tomorrow" STOOOOOOOPIDDDDDD!! WHY did he say that?!!!!! Of courselah, he's being honest but WHY sooo SOON??!!! I feel I am not ready yet to meet him after that stupid dispute and after that curhat thingie..:S But well, that other part of me is craving, really CRAVING to meet with him..and I can just feel that me is enjoying this. Haha. I'm outta my mind eh?:S Help me~~

Lurbeeee,

Kisho229

"Denial is a way to bury this love...but I can't be restrained by it!"

Monday, October 29, 2007

A day of disappointment..curhat~

I am feeling rather disappointed to myself...

Disappointed to myself because I let people's hopes down...

I changed a whole lot since last year and it has been something disappointing...My changes make others see me differently. So differently...I am no longer as naive, as innocent as I was before. Love has changed me. With love, I see life more realistically. And with the truth of life, I changed to adapt myself. I want to open myself, my real self to the world to see. But with that changes, I have hurt a lot of people and letting them down...Why do people expect so much from me?

Is it because I was a briliant student? With such a bright future ahead?
Is it because I was innocent and untainted with life's truth?
Is it because I was too kind and they loved the old me, one with a good girl personality?

Why does it hurt when people get hurt because of me? Deep down, I cried. Deep down, I wished I am not me. So deep inside, I want to be free...I want to be one that people don't expect so much...

The word "disappointment" that came to me today was like a stab to my heart...There are people who are disappointed of me. At such word, I wished I am not me. I wished I was just back to my "I-am-average" person. Where no one will expect so highly of myself. Where no one will sarcastically say I am too good for them...where no one will say "Pandai kau ah, nda payah belajar pun pandai menjawap tu!" or one who will say "Urang Aussie x ah..kana antar belajar sana~ Terrer ni"..Because everytime that comes up, I was never proud of such words. I was never proud of myself being so called intelligent. Even though it's always a joke and I would always smiled, my heart hurts deeply. I would trade my place for yours if I could...then you will know how much that really hurts...

And so...I am just blogging this because I hope someone will understand. It never was a bliss being expected so much. It was never happiness when it comes to disappointing people...And somehow, I am badly missing him...the one that I've disappointed a lot in my life or rather, the one that had been disappointing me the most... Ouch! There goes the other part of me, trying to get sad, trying to uncover the gaping wound I've tried to cover away~ :S trying to let go of that feelings out again...oh no, no, no~ :x *slaps my other self...huhu*

Anyway, please oh please, Forgive me dear friends if ever I disappointed you all deep down inside...I regret myself...we humans never can run from doing mistakes...Forgive me...:')

ANyway, I am addicted to the song "Kasih Tercipta" from Faizal Tahir...I can't stop singing it and it can't stop playing in my mind too...I dedicate this to him...even if he doesn't know..Huhu. I am getting sad again~ *sigh*

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Kasih Tercipta - Faizal Tahir

Kasih hilang tiada bicara

Setelah cintaku kau puja

Rintihan rindu terus melanda

Redup cahaya oo hati lara

Bisiklah kiranya aku bersalah

Sedetik tersirat rasa

Kau cipta kasih yang kumiliki

Cintaku jujur selama ini..

Carilah aku dalam hatimu

Sayang sebutlah kau rindu

Hanya…pintaku

Kasihmu kekal setia

Usah biarku ooo terus terluka

Mesra suaramu…kini berbeza

Gagal sembunyi sedih

Kenangan lalu menusuk jiwa

Manis seindah berganti pedih

Ooo..kasih tercipta..Ooo..carilah ku sayang

Carilah aku dalam hatimu

Sayang sebutlah kau rindu

Hanya…pintaku

Kasihmu kekal setia

Usah biarku ooo terus terluka

Pabila bersamamu..debaran

Darah arus mengalir cinta

Lahir selamanya

Berilah kucupan sayang

Biar terukir wajah..

Kasih tercipta..

Berilah kucupan sayang

Biar terukir wajah..

Kasih tercipta..
Ooo..kasih tercipta..

Kini kumengerti..

Walau berbisa..

Kurela kira kau bahagia…

Feeling sad...

Kisho229

"I rather be the one whom can't disappoint anyone..:)"

Raya fever?Apa cure nya?

Kisho : Aihhh...batah menunggu kana bagi angpau ani..rehat jap dagu rh tgn u Pot~

Potty : Dgn rela hati, hamba persembahkan...*kontrol ayu*

Potty: Give u nose servicing lagi..wawawa~

Kisho: I gib youh tandukz...*bunyi urg tersumbat idung*

When we are bored...we do this...kontrol AYU!!!!

Aahh..let's see...sapa yang OUT usulnya ah? LOL...*tunjuk yg tgh2*

Our BENKOs~~~ C owen and c maang~Wawawa..

Fun day on Friday!!! We as usual...the two devilish people went to beraya-in at KB to one of my colleague's house pasal she ada open houz. So we went there TOO EARLY, so go cuci gambar rah pat Soon Lee Pandan..haha, and also terpaksa menyukat Pandan and Mumong for about 30 mins and so. We ada raun2 jua rah umah Pot's cyg and well, him...tapi nada toh durang. Huhuhu.

At open houz, we kana jemput eat2...and walaupun nda meriah, still satisfying. Kanyan jua pawot ani. Hehe. Before kan balik, kana suruh karaoke...which, erm, although as fanatic I am with singing to myself, I declined the offer sal jadi gadis pemalu. Wawawa~ Before balik also, we were given angpau~~ Guess how much? :P

Then we otw ke Seria, we singgah dakat rumah Ka AJ, which fortunately for us...she was there. Not in a right timing but still, we got to meet her and da cats...wawawawa. Lawa c Chubby nya..wawawa. Ngam ka tuh? :P Then we went to Seria Plaza...meraun cari photo album for my own. Then muleh ke umah at Tutong...

Balik umah, my mom bawa beraya and I angkut Potty sekali jua. So we went beraya to another open houz, a friend of my mom...Sampai sana, wah...banyak da cats..gebu2 eh..LOL. Makan tah lagi kami ani. Okay jua la. Unfortunately or rather embarassingly, terjumpa cia ku dengan seseorang yang well, my mom cuba jodohkan with me...LOL...kinda embarassing tapi buat tak tau je la~ Hahaha. Then we went to another houz, beraya-ing sana and got bored. For one hour, we sat there and cam-whoring ourselves cos nada keraja lain lagi selain makan and minum. Bloated udah da tummy.

Back home, iskiness kan beraya lagi..so beraya cia at my jiran sebalah..wawawa. Potty pun masih merakat lagi. Kana angkut, jadi my mom's anak angkat...LOL. Then we indirectly begged my mom t go beraya lagi and nasib la kana lapas~ So with the freedom we had, went to KB lagi to beraya at one of my friend's houz. Hehee...Stayed there quite batah jua la and then jalan to Arca to jumpa Pot's cyg...then went to Seria Plaza again to cuci mata. HuhuHU...Gerigitan ku sal ada ceta korea "Hello Miss Lady!" yang ku mau bali...too bad, kapih tym!!! Oh Noooo!!! :PsABAR Saja~

Then barutah muleh...otw muleh, Potty was being hyper in the car while I was being really tired. Nasib ada Potty jadi penghibur..wawawawa..Melatenkx u Pot~ Sampai umah, alreADy pukul 9 or 10 x....hehe, sent POtty off and then I went to my room. Just slept~~ ZZZZzzz...And sampat g mengatal tuh rah..ehem, sumwhere...wawawawa...

So atu ja tah...I am tired banarnya..wawawa.Tapi I just wanna blog~ Hehehe..

Lurbeeeeee~

Kisho229

"Raya, raya, raya kan~~~ sebulan??? :P"